Flickers
by Ambience
Summary: Suzaku, the god of love. God of tragedy and angst. They never knew. They just took it for a small crush. Something I would get over in time. [R&R]


Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yugi.  
  
Author's Notes: I felt like writing something for Nuriko. This was the result. I had wanted more angst and stuff, but I have no idea how to write angst. I also have no idea how Amiboshi popped into the story. He just kinda walked in.But anyway, this story's totally plotless and pointless.  
  
Yeha, anyway, it was supposed to be angst, and it's.kind of angsty (not really), but it turned into more of a philosophical debate. -_-;  
  
Flickers  
  
The small, half melted candle flickered slightly in breeze, another small bead of red wax trickling over the edge and flowing down the candle to pool at the bottom.  
  
A violet haired young man was perched delicately on the ornate stool, absently traced the contour of the candle with a long slim finger. He leaned on his other elbow, half slouching in his seat; his sparkling garnet colored eyes were focused on flickering flame of the candle.  
  
He thought back slightly to a few moments ago when Miaka had told Hotohori she would marry him.  
  
I don't understand.  
  
.Why?  
  
He doesn't love her, he thought bitterly, The priestess he loves is the one of the legends. The one he's loved ever since he could remember.  
  
Slamming his fist down in frustration, Nuriko stormed angrily out of his quarters and into the Imperial Gardens.  
  
Taking in a shaking breath of the crisp night air, he felt his mind clear slightly. Glimpsing the small lake in the center of the ornate gardens, he ran lightly towards it, discarding his shoes on the way. The breeze whipped around him as he ran, the caressing wind combing through his hair playfully. Nuriko reached the lake a moment later barefooted, and dipped a toe in the water experimentally. The rest of his body joined it in one lithe movement. He resurfaced momentarily, gasping.  
  
Nuriko hung onto a nearby rock for a while until his body adjusted to the cold temperature. Then dived to the bottom, swimming around a little before surfacing again for air. Shaking his hair out eyes, Nuriko tread water slightly, throwing his head back to gaze up at the moon and stars. The moon was barely visible in the midnight blue tapestry of sky, a curving silver sliver of light. The brightly lit stars twinkled down joyfully at him. Nuriko sighted the constellations of Suzaku immediately. Tracing the constellation of Hotohori with his eyes he thought again of his miko. Suddenly, all of his worries evaporated temporarily as a sweet melody drifted towards him. Turning slightly he saw a shadowed figure perched on a tall rock playing a flute, long slender fingers moving, dancing, with the music.  
  
"Amiboshi.?" Nuriko questioned.  
  
The music faded away as the figure finished his song. Amiboshi rose from his sitting position and hopped down onto the grass, barely making a sound. "I thought it might help," he said softly and turned to go.  
  
"Thanks" Nuriko whispered softly, watching the black shadow walk away.  
  
Amiboshi sighed quietly, and kept walking. I suppose you could say I pitied him, he thought, but pity isn't the right word.sympathy? Compassion? Seiryuu damn me if I don't know how forbidden love feels like.  
  
Nuriko watched silently until Amiboshi pushed open a door and his shadow figure merged with the palace's own dark shadow. Then, with a small splash, he disappeared beneath the rippling lake's water.  
  
He dived to the bottom, opening his eyes to the underwater world around him. Small pebbles shone slightly as the rippling waters distorted the moon's wavering light, and shadows wove across the stones in a graceful dance.  
  
A small orange-gold thing shot by the corner of his eyes. Turning quickly, alarmed, Nuriko faced a small ornate goldfish.  
  
The goldfish looked rather distorted. It's eyes were as large as the nail on his small finger, but instead of focusing outward, they pointed toward each other, creating a cross-eyed effect. The sight was so comical, Nuriko burst out laughing and swallowed several mouthfuls of water. Kicking off the lake bottom, he propelled himself to the lake surface, choking slightly.  
  
Stupid goldfish, he thought savagely, climbing ungracefully onto a rock to dry off.  
  
Wrapping his arms around his legs, he curled up and laid his head sleepily on his arms. His eyes fluttered closed, but his mind still thought endlessly of his Hotohori.  
  
They never knew. They just took it for a small crush. Something I would get over in time.  
  
Miaka and Tamahome.They're so wrapped up in each other, I suppose I can't blame them. People have said of me "rash," "reckless," "hot headed," but never philosophical. I don't seem like the type, do I?  
  
But Miaka.She.I love her, but it doesn't mean I am blind to her faults as Tamahome is. She's naive. Passionate. Foolish. Blind.  
  
She is naïve and foolish to think she can forget about Tamahome by being with Hotohori. But maybe she is smarter than I think. Having her by his side will bring so much joy to his life, but even so, she hasn't looked far enough out into the future. How can she stay with him? Eventually, she will leave him, and the pain will be so much greater then.  
  
Passionate. A virtue, yes, but a flaw nonetheless. There is not one virtue that cannot be twisted and turned around by evil.  
  
Blind.They all are. Even as she thinks of Hotohori's happiness, she is forgetting of mine. They never took me seriously, never thought beyond an impenetrable façade.  
  
A façade? Not all of it perhaps. My personality is not hidden. Only my heart. Everything is stereotyped. Is the reason of my loneliness because of my gender? Is it simply because the Gods made a mistake?  
  
I have to admit. At first I loved him because of Ryuuen. She would have loved him, perhaps more than me. She would have loved his quiet but commanding authority, his gentleness, his compassion, the fervor in which he loves.Maybe it is better she does not have to go through the heartache I must. But still, I wonder.  
  
Suzaku, the god of love. God of tragedy and angst. How much heartbreak has there been? Hotohori, Miaka, Tamahome, Mitsukake, Chichiri, the Seiryuu no miko, Yui.We have all been touched.  
  
I can't change my heart.  
  
But I want to be with you,  
  
Even if I cannot have you.  
  
Even if it's her, not me.  
  
As long as she makes you happy. 


End file.
